Drifting Along.

The sea of life has too many currents.

I’m gonna be a nurse… I’m not going to be a nurse... I’m going to be a nurse. No…. No, I’m really not.

I find it hard to plan for a future when I have no passion or career goals. I’ve plenty of ADHD interests, but even they ebb and flow: I like to do all kinds of crafts, and I can think of a million ways to monetize my hobbies, but at the end of the day they are enjoyable because they are hobbies and not jobs. Plus, being good at crafting isn’t the same as being good at marketing myself or running a self-directed business.

It leaves me waffling on big decisions, because big decisions require dedication to carry out, and dedication requires passion or at least motivation. I’ve neither. I’m not lazy. I’ve a very strong work ethic, but my work ethic revolves around non-traditional things; Does my employer treat me like shit? Then I might as well be a shit employee. Does my employer treat me well? Then I’ll be a great employee. Course, I always do my best when the job has to do with caring for people like with my CNA work, that’s non-negotiable. But all that is neither here nor there…. I’m not lazy, I just honestly have no idea what I want for myself future wise, and since I don’t know what I want I’ve no idea how to get it…

I’ve been trying to think on that between bouts of not thinking at all. One thing I want is an education, since I only have a GED in a name that’s no longer mine and ‘some college’ from a place that no longer exists. I do hold two skill certifications (CNA1, CNA2) but unless it’s caregiving or CNA work, it’s useless for advancing me into higher paying jobs… Just like my GED. So, clearly, I need to go back to school for something.

Not much is worth the debt these days, at least outside of STEMM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Mathematics, Medicine). It just makes sense to go into medicine. But as I was thinking, I came to the realization that I would absolutely hate being a nurse. Beyond just the absolute grueling physical and mental demand nurses face, there is my absolute struggle with my lack of VITAL attention to detail that being a nurse would need. With my ADHD, and my difficulty with successfully treating it— my genetics are weeeeird— I would constantly be terrified of making the sort of mistakes that lead to someone’s life being in danger, or worse... Even as a CNA, I live with the stress that people’s lives are in my hands.

That said, being a nurse isn’t my only option. I’ve gone back to a previous idea, and I’m hoping to pursue that idea once we move— which, we’re ACTUALLY moving! Portland, here we come…. Once people finally process the paperwork and we figure out WHEN we get to move. Portland has some great medical schools, and I am looking forward to talking with them.

Back to the earlier idea… So, what I want out of a job is to be able to travel with it, to make the kind of money that would let me save for the future I think I want (plot of land with a tiny home on it) and be able to set my own hours. Not a lot of options in that, except the sort of things that allow for Agency work like my CNA does… Nursing falls into that category, but I’m not gonna be a nurse. Of the other options, I’ve decided to look back into Radiology Technologist (X-Ray/MRI/CT tech). I’d be able to travel around the US with an agency and make four figure paychecks every week on contracts that typically last thirteen weeks.

It will take time, of course. I will need to take per-requisite classes, hope I don’t spend too long on a waiting list for the actual Radiology classes, and then get through all the classes. Likely four years. I admit to struggling with the idea of having to wait four years just to START something, but I’ve already waited thirty-nine. Will this be the final choice? Who knows!

IN THE MEANTIME, I have some cool news to share; I’m a voice actor now! Several months back, one of my LARP acquaintances was talking about a story podcast he was looking to recruit some voice actors for. Being I like feeling included and absolutely like fantasizing about becoming famous, I told him to shoot me a list of characters he needs voiced. Well, a week or two later, he tells me that he’d like me to read for one of the male leads— So I do!

I didn’t get that role…

Turns out, he had me read for the wrong one, and instead he officially offered me the OTHER male lead. I said ‘yes’ after some deliberation. My character is the adopted brother of the other male lead, who together run a detective agency with a human secretary — Oh and both brothers are Fae; The world is 1890s Portland, OR post reveal of Fae (elves, dragons, fairies, etc). Interesting crimes occur that the human police must call on the two Fae detectives to make sense of cause… magical shenanigans. We’ve already recorded three episodes, with potentially three more episodes being recorded this weekend, and hope to debut the podcast this coming July.

I’m working to improve my voice acting while working, doing my photography, and trying not to get sucked into old habits that keep me too distracted and enticed to do other things. I’m only a neuro-spicy human, I do my best…

Here’s a few duck photos from recent shoots to wrap things up;

I call this one “Duck Butts“, Mallards.

Potentially my best composition yet! Mallards.

Two American Wigeons.

Okay.. Not a duck pic, but still worth the share!

Stay safe out there, folks.